Monday, August 22, 2011

Can't you hear the whistle blowin'?

Researchers have identified Jack The Ripper. Egyptologists have connected Pharaohs to ancient artifacts. Genealogists have traced family trees back to Adam and Eve. But still nobody knows who the hell was in the kitchen with Dinah, strummin' on the ol' banjo.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Identity Theft

My identity has been stolen. Or, maybe I just left it somewhere. Either way it's okay because someone is calling my Mom more often than I ever did.

But my imaginary friend is getting lonely.

I : Movie Fan

I prefer to think of myself as a movie fan rather than a critic. One who is willing to share my vast knowledge of film with those who only know what they like. I don't accept any financial rewards for my reviews, but I'm flexible. Make me an offer  I also pay regular admission unless I happen to get a gift card for a birthday or something. Occasionally, after I watch one movie I will sneak into another instead of leaving the theater. I feel that, based on the ridiculous salaries people in the movie industry earn, it is my right to do this. I will remain objective and true to my own subjectivity. I'd like to begin by stating some of my rules:
  1. I believe that movies are an American innovation, despite evidence to the contrary. 
  2. I believe I only have to see a film in order to give it a good review. I can give a bad review to any piece of crap without the annoyance of having to actually sit through it.
  3. Whether a film is in 2-D or 3-D I will only give it a 1-D review.
  4.  I reserve the right to review every film, even G Rated, in the nude.
  5. Foreign films with sub titles will be reviewed in English.
  6. I can make up the rest of the rules as I go along.
I do not believe I have any obligation to the reader to accurately describe the plot, characters, scenery, dialogue, music, sound or special effects. If you want any of that see the movie yourself. My purpose is to render my opinion so that you may reap the rewards of my singular and unique insights. You're all most welcome.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Film Review Spotlight: Harry Potter

From what I gather as a keen observer of Pop Coutre', The Harry Potter phenomenon began about 14 years ago as a series of gatherings for young people at bookstores. They were mostly at risk and delinquent children who were too wrapped up in fantasy games to attend their classes and were generally wandering the streets all hours of the night trading something known at the time as Pokemon cards for food and M rated video games. They came to recognize each other by their characteristic outfits: wizard robes, large round spectacles, magic wands and special dice with way too many dots. The idea behind the bookstore events was to attract them to a safe location where they could be weened off fantasy with coffee, tea, biscotti and People Magazine.  
The Deathly Hallows Part Two is the 20th or so film in the series which began at the turn of the Century as low budget, Bollywood productions. The cast changed with each film and, eventually all the original Bollywood cast was replaced with English speaking actors except the guy Tran, who plays the Cowardly Lion, is Thai. I may have that name wrong; I got a bunch of my review notes mixed up. Originally I chose to see this because I thought it was all about The Colonel from M.A.S.H.. Boy, was I disappointed.  Supposedly this will be the last film in the series until the reboot and if you haven't seen any of them I suggest you start here. There doesn't seem to be any real connection between the plot lines of each film so it is fairly easy to understand what is going on.
One Spoiler alert: I didn't stay for the end of the film so I really don't know how it ends. The theater was crowded with a lot of noisy, unruly people and their children so I wanted to get out of the parking lot quickly. Besides, there was a really good show on The History Channel that night. Anyway, it doesn't really matter because I heard that a Prequel to the Harry Potter series is filming as we speak. It is tentatively called The Hobbit: There and Back Again.
Incidentally, DO NOT be fooled by the Harry Potter books by JRR Rolking; I'm told they are weak novelizations that miss all the details and sub plots found in the original films and were written only to cash in on their success. Instead, wait for the graphic novels which will no doubt be awesome.See you at the snack bar!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

perspective redux

I wasn't on the outside looking in after all. I just had my glasses on backwards.


Voyeurism can be a tricky thing. My suggestion is to watch someone else for a while until you get the hang of it.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

One size fits all

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he'll eat until
he decides he wants a cheeseburger.

That's why I prefer gift cards.