tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88855448333301712702024-02-07T16:23:50.871-08:00Slouching Towards IstanbulCartoons without illustrationsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-87129603594191563382013-04-03T10:56:00.000-07:002013-04-03T11:08:07.618-07:00it's a learning curve<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> O, wot a tangl'd web we weave <br />when first we practis' weaving webs.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">new web weaving classes beginning soon.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">see Marge at the senior center .</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-11565832512255976732013-03-18T12:18:00.000-07:002013-03-18T12:18:11.300-07:00Everybody has one.<span style="font-size: large;">A recently published independent study of international opinion polls conducted over a period of ten years concludes that it really doesn't matter what anybody thinks.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-45114904913581526622013-02-22T11:53:00.001-08:002013-02-22T11:53:08.624-08:00Cursing the darknessBetter to light one candle....<br />
<br />
but if the darkness curses back and blows out the candle - it's time to move.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-14535520847239924362012-12-30T11:53:00.000-08:002013-08-02T10:38:43.423-07:00Buzz kill for new year's resolutions<span style="font-size: large;">A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
Of course, basically, you still have about a thousand miles left to go. <br />
On the bright side though, it's still not too late to use the bathroom.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-29805402368197300792012-11-07T08:23:00.002-08:002012-11-07T08:23:47.644-08:00Pet philosophyMy dogma's better than your dogma.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-91074233394113026742012-08-19T11:13:00.000-07:002012-08-19T11:13:06.272-07:00it's a facade<span style="font-size: large;">Do not be fooled by outward appearances. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I am most definitely <b><i>chalant.</i></b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-17680248744849984092012-08-13T20:50:00.000-07:002013-04-01T10:12:38.354-07:00live and learn<span style="font-size: large;">Dear Darlene,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I was wrong. It has become increasingly apparent that I <b>can</b> live without you after all. Please return my jar of depilatory and my autographed copy of Mickey Rooney's memoirs. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />regards,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Stan</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">ps: I have neither forgiven, nor forgotten.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-71299956628796474812012-06-22T10:50:00.000-07:002012-06-23T11:44:43.712-07:00Fatal flaw<span style="font-size: large;">There are some things which cannot coexist in the same space. Not simply a matter of moving to another table, another apartment or even a new town. It's like <b>anti-matter</b>. One will eventually destroy the other. He was determined to prevail.<br /><br />He can't recall the exact day his awareness of the problem began, but the date he began planning his retaliation was burned in his mind like the spot where the fly lights on the sherbet. Carefully, quietly, methodically he toiled in preparation for the event which would free him from his overarching nemesis. Countless were the days he executed 'dry runs', not allowing a single variable to occur which could scuttle his plans.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />Finally, after what seemed an eternity of plotting and waiting, arrived the morning of the day for action. <br />But, even before he looked out the window; before he got out of bed; before he so much as opened his eyes - he knew he had failed. All his work, lo these many years, was for naught. He had made one minuscule, yet fatal error. One insidiously simple factor, tragically, had escaped him. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It was <i>raining</i>.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-37407938938876803262012-06-15T11:55:00.001-07:002013-08-02T10:40:30.675-07:00Italy is shaped like a boot<span style="font-size: large;">Lovers of things British are called Anglophiles. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Shouldn't those who are devotees of all that is Italian be called <i>Italics</i>?</span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-1884582729680667922012-06-14T08:47:00.001-07:002012-08-13T20:50:56.391-07:00Harsh wordsDear Penelope,<br />
<br />
You can have no idea how difficult it is for me to write these words, but we must accept that it is over between us: Swimming naked in the waters of the old harbor, off the side your family's yacht; The days at the races; nights at the opera; the long autumn afternoons watching Marx Brother's movies in the media room of your family's winter estate in The Hamptons; the countless visits I made to you at Betty Ford. <br />
Yes, I'll always cherish the times I imagined we spent together.<br />
<br />
Regards,<br />
AntonUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-38697027057428047262012-06-14T08:45:00.004-07:002012-06-14T08:58:31.759-07:00First God, then Santa Claus - now THIS?<span style="font-size: large;">Most disturbing new email subject line of the week.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">From fab.com: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Andy Warhol Watches"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-92223765427520381182012-06-10T21:44:00.002-07:002012-08-13T21:07:00.784-07:00Fun Facts to Know and Share<span style="font-size: large;">That Rome wasn't built in a day is common knowledge. What you may not know is that these other cities, any of them equally large, ancient or exotic, were <b>also</b> not built in a day <i>either:</i></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Brisbane</li>
<li>Honolulu</li>
<li>Barcelona</li>
<li>Constantinople</li>
<li>Louisville</li>
<li>Buffalo</li>
<li>Beijing</li>
<li>St Petersburg (Russia or Florida) </li>
<li>Pittsburgh</li>
<li>San Juan</li>
</ol>
<span style="font-size: large;">It is, I think, emblematic of our humanity that - in the 20th Century alone and natural disaster aside, several cities were <i>destroyed</i> in less than a day. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-71952917929244122362012-05-27T23:08:00.002-07:002012-05-27T23:08:45.736-07:00Misheard homilies<span style="font-size: large;">Perception is nine tenths of the flaw.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-76137748522875127532012-05-27T23:06:00.002-07:002015-11-13T07:15:54.567-08:00simplify<span style="font-size: large;">"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." </span><span style="font-size: large;">from Walden by Henry David Thoreau</span><span style="font-size: large;">.<br /><br />Really? Everyone around me does so much bitching about it. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-27572879316181955052012-05-21T10:17:00.000-07:002012-05-21T13:02:06.271-07:00An open letter to e-marketing director at Romano's Macaroni Grill:Thank you, Romano's Macaroni Grill for your email w/ subject: "<b style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">happy half birthday, Bob.</b>" <br />
How did you know I just can't feel <b><i>old enough</i></b>, <b>quickly enough</b>?<br />
Sincerely,<br />
me<br />
ps: for future reference I suggest the subject lines of some OTHER spam I received along with your droll reminder of for whom the bell tolls:<br />
<br />
1. "50% off new all weather window and door replacements."<br />
2. "See naked photos of available women in your area."<br />
<br />
You see? The <b>former</b> knows what I need, while the<b> latter</b> knows what I want.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-2121734759923413232012-05-19T12:01:00.002-07:002012-05-21T13:07:21.837-07:00Summer film I'd like to see.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieA_vw_cl8e2m08CcdKAGh_iGm2sDljsHAHsdIvWPGTNPK0zJoyCRop-FsRbSIIf0hohyPO4V9FkBvSLvKlbnHacbd8Y8NfC303uleeSBqYcD1-ryw6z9lZM6eWj-x7Ocq0BK8KUPbvlWO/s1600/Godot.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieA_vw_cl8e2m08CcdKAGh_iGm2sDljsHAHsdIvWPGTNPK0zJoyCRop-FsRbSIIf0hohyPO4V9FkBvSLvKlbnHacbd8Y8NfC303uleeSBqYcD1-ryw6z9lZM6eWj-x7Ocq0BK8KUPbvlWO/s320/Godot.bmp" width="230" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
t shirts are availableUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-29470390436219830102012-04-21T10:02:00.001-07:002012-05-31T11:25:53.752-07:00knock knock<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-weight: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">No, I didn't sneak up on you. <br />Maybe you were distracted by the sunlight reflecting off your <i>ego</i>?</span></span></h6>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-91947440082183864512012-04-18T10:52:00.002-07:002012-04-18T10:52:58.756-07:00desha mu<span style="font-size: large;">desha mu: The feeling that you've been to Sea World before.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-58442977193512585402012-04-18T10:29:00.002-07:002012-04-21T10:03:33.410-07:00a rude awakening<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-weight: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">I dreamed I was sleeping - and when I woke up, I was!</span></span></h6>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-72759828880540217802012-04-16T12:23:00.000-07:002012-10-22T16:31:38.276-07:00multiple paths to a dead end.<span style="font-size: large;">"There's more than one way to skin a cat." </span><br />
<br />
And, yet - <b><i>you hardly see all that much cat skinning going on anymore.</i></b><br />
<br />
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><br /></span></h6>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-67883820953420693232012-04-16T12:18:00.001-07:002012-05-31T11:27:01.909-07:00our changing lexicon I<span style="font-size: large;">In<b>com</b>-pacitated - a state of immobility due to lack of funds. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-29177354161142745362012-04-13T23:23:00.002-07:002012-04-13T23:23:44.033-07:00Michael Scott calling...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7vChpyY0Uj9lpbwocXVeL3amawHqTKmr_EwZKDCD-UALy62EtCdPeaSlMtcjtn1n1y_QTC9ixd-nltsjbDwJxSmuZrD87XZP6deD8UTehZSOKTNhUn-ciA__O8oR35vFa0bbNdiNOXdJ3/s1600/Che+said.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7vChpyY0Uj9lpbwocXVeL3amawHqTKmr_EwZKDCD-UALy62EtCdPeaSlMtcjtn1n1y_QTC9ixd-nltsjbDwJxSmuZrD87XZP6deD8UTehZSOKTNhUn-ciA__O8oR35vFa0bbNdiNOXdJ3/s320/Che+said.bmp" width="256" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-8984394329333848482012-04-13T22:44:00.002-07:002012-04-13T23:30:35.014-07:00Hans Jive<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Film buff insider joke from another era: </span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />Liberty shot first!</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-63980959769863921182012-03-28T15:43:00.001-07:002012-10-22T16:08:49.383-07:00read the directions. After all, they are there to protect the manufacturer<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">Any
time I utilize the convenience of a Healthy Choice, Lean Cusine or
other variety of frozen mystery meat goodness on a plastic tray - no
matter where I am, I always whip out my handy, pocket sized meat thermometer to verify it has cooked to a sufficient temperature, killing
any intergalactic organisms which might be lurking within..... doesn't
EVERYONE?</span></span></h6>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8885544833330171270.post-32033199862587576012012-03-16T23:25:00.000-07:002012-08-19T11:56:04.604-07:00September hath 30<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-weight: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">Our days are numbered</span></span><span style="font-size: large;">*</span><span style="font-size: large;">. </span></h6>
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-weight: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"> Makes finding one of them on a calender that much more convenient.</span></span></h6>
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-weight: normal;">
<span style="font-size: small;">*variation on theme: There are only so many hours in a day.<br />(Yes, 24 to be exact.)</span></h6>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0