Sunday, July 31, 2011

Qouth the Maven

Let the chips fall where they may.
I find this expression unnecessarily ambiguous. Don't most of them fall behind the couch cushions?

Saturday, July 30, 2011


What if - I mean, hypothetically, imagine for just a second; what if, all things being equal and 'in a perfect a world' so to speak; suppose, just suppose now, suspending all disbelief and so forth; (just for instance) but what IF it ISN'T what it IS?

Friday, July 29, 2011

Let me check my Dayrunner

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Sonofabitch! A person could use a little WARNING. I'm already so far behind I can't breathe.
I've never been to Europe; I've only read the first chapter of War and Peace and that was so long ago I'll have to start over. Shit. How about next week is the first day of the rest of my life? - no, wait. I've got a dental appointment. I've never even had a colonoscopy.

Kilroy was here

Yes, I can read the writing on the wall.
And the drawings, too.

But, mostly I'm just in there to use the toilet.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

self help

Often we are clinging to emotions generated from memories of past indiscretions. Things we may have done or said out of ignorance, lack of forethought, or simply being oblivious to a situation or the feelings or well being of others. Such emotional baggage as it were can weigh us down, making it harder to advance to a higher level of personal success or understanding; creating a stumbling block or a pitfall in the pathway to our own Center.
If you are interested in overcoming such a pitfall, here is a simple mental exercise you can do alone:
  1. Find a place free from distractions, sounds, and interruptions.
  2. Close your eyes and think back on an act you committed in the past for which you continue to feel guilty. This may take sometime so be patient. The more you plumb the depths of your psyche to identify the true episodes which fester within your subconscious, the better chance you have of exorcising your demons and cleansing yourself of the stifling fustian which clogs your wiring and separates you from your goals.
  3. Once you have identified the perceived offense and acknowledged the guilt which you have been suppressing, open your eyes.
  4. Would you like to lessen those feelings? 
  5. Of course you would, you miserable selfish bastard! It's always about you, isn't it? Your feelings, your guilt. How's about apologizing or making amends, ANYTHING constructive instead of licking your own pathetic wounds? You truly disgust me.
There. Feel better? If so then you probably did not think of something serious enough which only means, not only are you a miserable, self-serving, piece of human garbage, but you are also a narcissist or worse. 

Check back for my next post: Self-Flagellation - Religion or Recreation?


If you're not part of the SOLUTION, you're a part of the PROBLEM!
So, I guess at least you've got that feather to put in your cap.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Finding yourself

You are HERE

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

those were the days

Dear diary,

I was fine all day until just a short while ago when I was reminded of  what day it is. Tuesday. But, more significantly it is July 26th, Mick Jaggar's Birthday. I mean no slight to Mick  (or, as I knew him: Mik) that he most likely would not remember the first time I saw him. It was on my parent's old Sylvania TV with Halo Vision.
I forget what program he was on with his band of musicians who called themselves The Rolling Stones. You  may be surprised to know that the first thing that struck me about Mick was his lips. He had two of them and he would purse them as he postured and sang one of their electrified versions of an American Rhythm and Blues song. I wonder now as my mind drifts back to those seminal days of cultural awakening: what ever happened to that TV?

Daily quote of the de jour

If you can't stand the heat - get out of the kitchen.

Or you could open a window, turn on a big fan and change into some shorts and a tee shirt.
I also find that using the microwave instead of heating up the oven can help. of course frozen pizza never comes out as good in the microwave so kill two birds* and just order delivery.
( I don't intend for the part about killing birds to be taken literally. Unless you are making really fresh chicken, turkey, squab, duck etc and doing your own butchering. otherwise, killing two birds is gratuitous and beyond the scope of staying cool in the kitchen. pour yourself a tall glass of iced beverage, however, might be helpful..)

Personal ads

I do not pussyfoot around. I just have furry toes.
 [insert link to picture of toes]

FYI - a PSA 4 U

This weekend only. Save big!

Don't buy anything.

After all is said and done


FYI: a PSA 4 U:

Warning - despite the similarity in names, shih tzu and shiatsu are NOT the same.
I paid $60 to have a dog walk around on my back for 20 minutes.

Latest studies of airline safety reveal:

Flying is safer than driving.

Statistically, you are 99% more likely to die from getting sucked into a jet engine than a car engine.

pea soup?

Possession is nine tenths of the law

and 100% of an exorcism.

Daily quote of the de jour:

Don't shoot the messenger.
Well, I mean it depends on the message. 'Cos like if it happens to be, 'hi I just robbed a convenience store and now I'm going to take your car' or 'the person holding this message is an interplanetary alien and a danger to all life as we know it, but he can't read so shoot him.'
Then I suppose your best course of action IS to shoot the messenger.

Use your own best judgement.

Humor me

why don't garbage trucks play music like an ice cream truck?
it would really brighten up the day.                        

just a thought.

Ice, Ice baby

When the next ice age comes I'm chopping up a whole bunch and saving it. 
You know, for picnics and stuff.

alphabet zoop

What tight ass, megalomaniacal control freak decided the order of the letters in the alphabet anyway?

Why start with A? Why end with Z? Why not put all the vowels together?
Wouldn't that make them easier to remember?
Or put all the ones with the ee sound in order: b,c,d,e,g,p,t,v,z.
Maybe even use some of those letter sentences we learned as kids: u, r, a, q, t, i, n, v, u.

                                 Now THAT would be easy to learn!
(look, I know I repeated the letter u. that's a minor flaw that can be corrected with a minimal amount of effort.)

Daily quote of the de jour:

 "I can really be a very nice person if anyone would take the time and get to know me."
                                                                                               - Anonymous

Listen, Mac:

Stop.... and smell the Roses.

Now,  get the hell out of my garden !

Fiddling on the roof.

Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset.

  (I'm beginning to detect a pattern.)