Friday, August 12, 2011

I : Movie Fan

I prefer to think of myself as a movie fan rather than a critic. One who is willing to share my vast knowledge of film with those who only know what they like. I don't accept any financial rewards for my reviews, but I'm flexible. Make me an offer  I also pay regular admission unless I happen to get a gift card for a birthday or something. Occasionally, after I watch one movie I will sneak into another instead of leaving the theater. I feel that, based on the ridiculous salaries people in the movie industry earn, it is my right to do this. I will remain objective and true to my own subjectivity. I'd like to begin by stating some of my rules:
  1. I believe that movies are an American innovation, despite evidence to the contrary. 
  2. I believe I only have to see a film in order to give it a good review. I can give a bad review to any piece of crap without the annoyance of having to actually sit through it.
  3. Whether a film is in 2-D or 3-D I will only give it a 1-D review.
  4.  I reserve the right to review every film, even G Rated, in the nude.
  5. Foreign films with sub titles will be reviewed in English.
  6. I can make up the rest of the rules as I go along.
I do not believe I have any obligation to the reader to accurately describe the plot, characters, scenery, dialogue, music, sound or special effects. If you want any of that see the movie yourself. My purpose is to render my opinion so that you may reap the rewards of my singular and unique insights. You're all most welcome.

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